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It’s Monday morning.

The Monday morning when I planned to start taking this blog – and my life – in a new direction.

The direction I have pined for for a very long time now.

But then this morning played out in such a stark, sad irony that I feel compelled to write about it.

My (to-be-ex) husband leaves very early for work. 5 am. I am not normally up when he leaves but this morning I had to finish up some things one of my kids needed for school. (Yes, they may have told me around 10 o’clock Sunday night, ha.) As he was getting his coat and things to leave for work, I stood not ten feet from him. He put on his coat, picked up his bag and…

Walked out the door.

Not so much as a “why are you up” or “have a good day” or even the most basic “good bye.” Literally nothing. No matter how many times he does this (and he’s done it before to be sure) I still can’t get my head around this kind of behavior. I mean, you have to TRY to not say good-bye to someone who is standing just feet away, right? I contemplated for a moment calling him on his behavior but then I realized, why? Obviously this is the way he WANTS to go through life so what impact will any words from me have on him?

Shortly after my (to-be-ex) husband’s behavior, I left for Starbucks. (I don’t think it takes much to see how or why it is I came to carve out my morning Starbuck’s routine and family.) There was one of the people I see regularly but hadn’t seen in awhile there. We said our pleasantries, how have you been, what are the kids up to, etc. and then as I got my coffee and went to sit down…

“It’s good to see you.”

I felt like the Gringe, in that my heart “grew three sizes.”

Has he really beaten me down so far that a simple (though sincere I’m sure) salutation from a virtual stranger can warm me?

This is the stuff no one tells you about living with an alcoholic.

People think they know.

People think it’s just the drinking. Just the drunk week-ends, trashed holidays and/or ruined family events.

But being married to an alcoholic is so much bigger than that…

Because it affects even the smallest things in your life.