all the various and un-thought-of ways an alcoholic husband destroys his marriage, I probably wouldn’t have believed what they were saying.  I mean, afterall, isn’t there only one “real” problem when you are married to an alcoholic?  He drinks too much.  And if he stopped drinking, then there would be no more problem, right?

If only.

I had very little (zero!) experience or association with any sort of alcoholic before I married my husband.  (And in being married to an alcoholic, I have come to realize how rare a gift my innocence was.)  Alcoholics were people who drank too much.  And they needed to stop drinking too much.  What else would there be to that equation?

A lot more of course.

Because alcoholism poisons the whole person, it in turns poisons all who he (or she) has a relationship with.  It doesn’t matter if he’s not drinking one day.  It doesn’t matter if he’s on a bender.  Alcoholism is like the pesky kid sister who is always around, always there whinning to be included or she’s going to tell mom.  Problem is, pesky little sisters grow up.  The alcoholic beast grows – but only in strength and magnitude.

I had lunch with a friend the other day.  She commented that for her birthday the day before, her husband had taken the day off and they went hiking.

I nearly gasped.

Not so much because my husband would never take the day off to spend my birthday with me but because I can’t even imagine wanting him to!  I sat there thinking, there must have been a day when I wanted to be with him, right?  There MUST have been.

THAT’S how much the alcoholic destroys those who love (or loved or try to love) the alcoholic.  I don’t simply no longer want to spend time with my husband; I can’t even REMEMBER when it was that I did.  But you want to hear something even worse?

I can’t imagine EVER wanting to spend time with any man.  By the time I get out of this marriage, I feel like all I will possible want is my own little cottage, my books and journals and solitary days waiting for the grandchildren to start being born.

I’m not sad about it though.

I’m actually looking forward to it.

Quite a bit.