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alcholic husband, alcohoilc holidays, alcoholic, alcoholic father, alcoholic husband, alcoholic marriage
I’m not a huge fan of Alcoholics Annoymous though I always do qualify that by saying,
“But if it works for someone, then that is great.”
My issues with AA stem from the fact that its doctrine seems to put forth this idealogy that alcoholism is somehow this “simple” issue that has their one and only “simple” solution.
Turn your drinking over to (your version) of God. They couch God in the euphamism of “your high power” but don’t be fooled. AA is a faith based program.
Never drink again.
Attend AA meetings indefinitely.
One other, in my opinion, myth AA perpetuates is this idea of “rock bottom.” As in the alcoholic has to hit “rock bottom” before he will be able to stop drinking.
Of course for some alcoholics, there will be a cataclysmic event that so shocks and scares them that they turn to a life of sobriety and never look back.
They kill someone in a car accident.
They almost kill someone.
They pass out only to wake up with no idea where they are or how they got there.
They experience blackouts that cause them to lose days of their lives.
Jail time.
Yes, these can happen.
Of course they can.
Alcoholism takes all forms.
BUT…
The truth is the majority of alcoholics never hit the proverbial rock bottom.
They just free fall indefinitely until they get tired of falling.
Or never stop falling.
For most, alcoholism is a chasm with no bottom.
And guess what?
It’s the exact same for the wives of alcoholics!!
We don’t finaly decide to leave because there is one big, overwhelming event or tragedy that jars out of our troubled complacency: we decide to leave because the daily living of little tragedies (peppered with the classic-alcoholic events like ruined holidays and drunken family vacations) finally becomes too much.
I know I buried my lead here, but I am leaving.
I didn’t lead with my lead because I felt the need to explain.
I have said I needed to leave before.
I have written about my “decision” to leave and then wrote no more of any effort.
It’s not because I “lied” or was posturing.
It wasn’t an idle threat launched in the world blogging.
It’s because this is the very difficult and convulted emotinonal trajectory of leaving an alcoholic husband.
We make the decision over and over again until we finally make the decision.
I have chosen the date.
June 14, 2019.
There are things I need to get in place (i.e. finances. aka money!) and while June 7, 2019 is doable it will also be a hustle.
The biggest obstacle women face in leaving their alcoholic husbands is making the definitive decision to leave.
I have made the decision.
I am tired of falling.
Your posts have helped me see that I am not alone, the struggle is so very real…I would love to see this blog turn into how we all have empowered ourselves to move forward past the heartache to a more peaceful, fulfilled life as strong women. Let’s do this Wren 🙂
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Retainer was paid early October…I may go slow like a snail but I am moving forward and pushing through the fears of the unknown, the sick stomach, and moving towards what is right for me and my life. A loveless marriage, married to a friend who for so many years has chosen alcohol over me and my heart….I don’t think there is any repairing it, even though recent events have moved him towards self care and going to AA.
I want a peaceful life, I do not love him like a husband….too many years of heartache.
I have to continue my movement forward towards peace and hope.
Scary but essential to know I haven’t stopped myself from living a life I can be proud of.
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You’ve made your decision and you have a goal to work towards. You will get there.
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I have come to this same conclusion and am working out the details of my escape
plan. My youngest graduates in May so I’m hoping to make it that long but I’m not locking myself in. Starting to get the pieces together, cleaning out stuff in the house a little here and little there. It’s an overwhelming task if I look at it all but I’m trying to break it down into manageable chunks and not setting any expectations or passing judgement on my progress. Just starting this process is giving me peace. Thank you for sharing your journey. I have read two of your books and totally relate to so much you have shared and experienced.
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