I’ve never heard any woman who left her alcoholic husband say,
“I left too early.”
Or even,
“I left at just the right time.”
Every single woman I have ever spoken to who has left her alcoholic husband said,
“I should have left sooner.”
Every.
Single.
Woman.
And yet, I will dare to say they all probably did leave at exactly the right time because sooner, earlier it didn’t yet make sense to them. It couldn’t make sense earlier.
I don’t think any woman can understand – or even believe – how bad the alcoholism is going to progress. It seems unfathomable when her husband is “just” drinking a little too much during the week or “only” getting drunk on the week-ends. It seems incomprehensible that her husband, albeit drinking compulsively, is ever going to be the angry, hostile, combative, detached, abusive man she hears of from other wives. It’s not we doubt these woman who’s hell has progessed beyond ours. It’s just…
Have you ever seen the Wheaten Terrier dog breed?
As a puppy, the dog’s coat is a deep reddish brown.
That turns WHITE as the animal matures.
My friend had one and I told her if I hadn’t seen it as a puppy, I would have never believed it! I couldn’t imagine how that deep, dark colored coat would eventually grow in white.
Living with an alcholic husband is sort of like that.
You can’t imagine the animal your husband’s drinking is will become the beast others must battle.
But it does.
And so if and when we decide to leave, we can think we left “too late” or we should have left “earlier.”
I certainly have been feeling this but then I was talking to a friend Monday morning and we were re-capping our week-ends. She said she had a really nice week-end as both her college-age kids were home with their girlfriends and they all “sat around” all week-end watching movies, playing board games, etc.
All I want (ALL!! I WANT!!) is a home that is pleasant and cozy and roomy and nice and comfortable and safe. But as my children get older and older (one is off to college next year!) I found myself thinking it’s “too late.” I “should have” given that to my kids sooner. But hearing about my friend’s week-end made me see…
It’s never too late to enjoy your life!
Great post. I have definitely thought that I should have left earlier. But I didn’t . I honestly think it may be too late now. I waited too long and endured it all and my alcoholic is deteriorating. He can hardly walk. How can I leave him at this point? What a mess. I am not physically leaving but I am definitely keeping myself busy and working on health and happiness. If I could go back in time….
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I’m in a similar situation. Last week, I just decided he would probably be dead in a year at the pace he’s going and surely I can last that long. He’s 74 and i’m 69, 50 years of marriage (which I am ashamed of) with 20 living with a drunk. Wasted time.
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I am currently engaged to an alcoholic. He says he’s sober but this morning I found two pints of whiskey in his work bag. What a liar. The thing is, I knew it. I’m not as dumb as he may think I am. I know I should leave. But it’s hurts so bad to leave and it hurts so bad to stay. What a damn mess it is.
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Run away! PLEASE. Run. A. WAY!!! I know those sound like maybe insensitive words but it WILL only get WORSE!!! Yes, yes it hurts. It hurts so much. But it doesn’t hurt now nearly as much as it’s going to hurt. As it will hurt if you (try) to build a life with this man. If you have children with this man.
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