It’s been a long time coming.
The emotional roller coaster and difficulty of leaving an alcoholic marriage cannot be overstated.
I would have never (NEVER!) understood it myself if I didn’t live it.
What’s so hard about leaving a marriage that makes you miserable, angry, depressed, hostile, unhappy?
Well, a lot it turns out but that’s a post for another time.
Now, I am ready.
I am finally, finally fully ready emotionally.
We think it’s hard or we can’t leave the alcoholic marriage because we don’t have the finances or a job or any support. But the truth is we “can’t” leave because we aren’t emotionally ready to leave. Once we are ready to leave, filling in the finances, job, support is the easy part.
And that’s where I am now.
I am ready.
To do what I need to do to create the means to leave.
But don’t be mistaken into believing that creating the means to leave is just about creating the means to leave.
That’s what is so exciting, actually!!
Our lives are not a series of little boxes, separate from one another, bearing no effect on each other.
If that were true, if we could restrict each area of our life to its own little box, then the alcoholic marriage wouldn’t be so problematic. We could lock that little bastard of a beast in its own box and ignore it. But our lives are not boxes. Our lives are tapestry with each thread, each color, each design playing into the next.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is when you are ready…
When you have come through the storm to clear skies and clarity…
Then you see that you can work on ALL your life by working on ANY area of your life!!
I joined Weight Watchers!
I’m almost embarrassed to say that because Weight Watchers is such a cliche.
And I have tried it before but to no avail.
Part of the problem for me was the program limited FRUITS and VEGETABLES!!
I used to sit in the meetings and think (want to scream!!),
“I’m not here because I eat too many grapes!!”
But last week, in this sort of “last ditch effort” to somehow make myself accountable for this extra 50 pounds I’ve been carting around for over ten years, I found my way back there.
I am happy to say, fruits and vegtables are unlimited and the leader was fantastically motivational!!
So here goes.
Just one road of many I am taking to lead me out.
P.S. I am adding a page for my weight loss journey.