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~ Life With An Alcoholic Husband

QuietRagingWaters

Monthly Archives: July 2018

It’s Not Too Late

26 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

alcoholic father, alcoholic husband, married to alcoholic, wife of alcoholic

I’ve never heard any woman who left her alcoholic husband say,

“I left too early.”

Or even,

“I left at just the right time.”

Every single woman I have ever spoken to who has left her alcoholic husband said,

“I should have left sooner.”

Every.

Single.

Woman.

And yet, I will dare to say they all probably did leave at exactly the right time because sooner, earlier it didn’t yet make sense to them. It couldn’t make sense earlier.

I don’t think any woman can understand – or even believe – how bad the alcoholism is going to progress. It seems unfathomable when her husband is “just” drinking a little too much during the week or “only” getting drunk on the week-ends. It seems incomprehensible that her husband, albeit drinking compulsively, is ever going to be the angry, hostile, combative, detached, abusive man she hears of from other wives. It’s not we doubt these woman who’s hell has progessed beyond ours. It’s just…

Have you ever seen the Wheaten Terrier dog breed?

As a puppy, the dog’s coat is a deep reddish brown.

That turns WHITE as the animal matures.

My friend had one and I told her if I hadn’t seen it as a puppy, I would have never believed it! I couldn’t imagine how that deep, dark colored coat would eventually grow in white.

Living with an alcholic husband is sort of like that.

You can’t imagine the animal your husband’s drinking is will become the beast others must battle.

But it does.

And so if and when we decide to leave, we can think we left “too late” or we should have left “earlier.”

I certainly have been feeling this but then I was talking to a friend Monday morning and we were re-capping our week-ends. She said she had a really nice week-end as both her college-age kids were home with their girlfriends and they all “sat around” all week-end watching movies, playing board games, etc.

All I want (ALL!! I WANT!!) is a home that is pleasant and cozy and roomy and nice and comfortable and safe. But as my children get older and older (one is off to college next year!) I found myself thinking it’s “too late.” I “should have” given that to my kids sooner. But hearing about my friend’s week-end made me see…

It’s never too late to enjoy your life!

I Don’t Think It Ever Stops Hurting

15 Sunday Jul 2018

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

I know I am now fully prepared to leave.

I know I have accepted unequivocally that that my marriage is over.

I know I am committed completely to getting out.

And yet…

I don’t know how to make it not hurt when my husband walks in the door from work and doesn’t acknowledg me. Say hello or give me a kiss.

I don’t know how not to feel a sting of pain when he goes to bed with out saying good night.

I don’t know how to not notice every morning when he walks out the door without giving me a good-bye kiss.

I’ve learned to stop expecting anything from him.

I really have.

I just don’t know how to learn to stop making it hurt.

I’m Ready

10 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

It’s been a long time coming.

The emotional roller coaster and difficulty of leaving an alcoholic marriage cannot be overstated.

I would have never (NEVER!) understood it myself if I didn’t live it.

What’s so hard about leaving a marriage that makes you miserable, angry, depressed, hostile, unhappy?

Well, a lot it turns out but that’s a post for another time.

Now, I am ready.

I am finally, finally fully ready emotionally.

We think it’s hard or we can’t leave the alcoholic marriage because we don’t have the finances or a job or any support. But the truth is we “can’t” leave because we aren’t emotionally ready to leave. Once we are ready to leave, filling in the finances, job, support is the easy part.

And that’s where I am now.

I am ready.

To do what I need to do to create the means to leave.

But don’t be mistaken into believing that creating the means to leave is just about creating the means to leave.

That’s what is so exciting, actually!!

Our lives are not a series of little boxes, separate from one another, bearing no effect on each other.

Money-box.

Health-box.

Children-box.

Marriage-box.

If that were true, if we could restrict each area of our life to its own little box, then the alcoholic marriage wouldn’t be so problematic. We could lock that little bastard of a beast in its own box and ignore it. But our lives are not boxes. Our lives are tapestry with each thread, each color, each design playing into the next.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is when you are ready…

When you have come through the storm to clear skies and clarity…

Then you see that you can work on ALL your life by working on ANY area of your life!!

I joined Weight Watchers!

I’m almost embarrassed to say that because Weight Watchers is such a cliche.

And I have tried it before but to no avail.

Part of the problem for me was the program limited FRUITS and VEGETABLES!!

I used to sit in the meetings and think (want to scream!!),

“I’m not here because I eat too many grapes!!”

But last week, in this sort of “last ditch effort” to somehow make myself accountable for this extra 50 pounds I’ve been carting around for over ten years, I found my way back there.

I am happy to say, fruits and vegtables are unlimited and the leader was fantastically motivational!!

So here goes.

Just one road of many I am taking to lead me out.

P.S. I am adding a page for my weight loss journey.

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