I think in life we can know things but not know we know them.

One of the reasons (the reason?) I have been reluctant to blog, I think, is because on some level I knew my life – my energy, my thoughts, my days – could no longer revolve around or be centered on my husband’s drinking and accompanying behavior.

It sucks being married to an alcoholic.

It SO sucks.

But there are a lot of things in life that suck.

A lot of things that can kill our spirits.

Life is hard on the human soul.

And so there comes the day when no matter what the particular trauma or challenge – death of a loved one, chronic illness, financial ruin…your husband’s alcoholism – the “formula” for living a life that is fulfilling, rewarding and joyful is the same.

I am reading the book, “Miracel Morning” by Hal Elrod. He was in a horrific car accident – ironically or not – caused by a drunk driver – where virtually his entire body was crushed and he had to put his life back together again. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. In that effort, he came to recognize the profound power behind getting up every morning with purpose and direction.

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I was thinking about how I “planned” to start my miracle morning routine today. I was going to get up at 6 am and commit myself to the routine Elrod recommends in his book. Except as I was telling myself this, I was also telling myself,

“UGG! I can’t do this! 6 am is SO early.”

Etc., etc., etc.

But then as I was telling my son good night, he snapped at the dog for some minor dog infraction and in that instand, I knew I HAD to get up.

I HAD to get up because my entire household is angry and short with one another and even the dog.

I HAD to get up because there is no one else in the house that is going to work on changing the energy in the house except me.

I HAD to get up because I can’t spend one more day planning for “tomorrow” to be different.

But most of all, I HAD to get up because…

I want to.

I want my life back.

I want me back.