I don’t know who coined the phrase “functioning alcoholic” (probably the same who coined “co-dependent” and “enabler”) but frankly it’s, well bull shit.
“Functioning alcoholic” is suppose to distinguish the falling-down-drunk, smelly, dirty alcoholics who pass out in the back alley while drinking cheap gin out of a brown paper bag from, you know..
The nice alcoholics.
The ones with jobs and cars and a house on a cul-de-sac.
The ones who sip their alcohol from a glass while sitting in front of their kazillion-inch big screen tv.
The ones who pass out in the den or family room or living room.
The ones who shower and wear nice clothes and don’t have to dig for change in order to buy a “tall boy.”
Yes, we need to make sure to not mix up the “functioning” alcoholics with the “real” alcoholics.
The ones who destroy their lives.
And the lives of everyone around them.
The ones who choose booze over family.
The ones who’d rather drink then engage in intrapersonal relationships.
The ones who make up excuses for their drinking, deny the pain of their drinking and vow they could stop drinking “tomorrow” if they wanted to.
They just don’t want to.
Funny, when you describe the alcoholic that way, it’s hard to tell the “real” one from the “functioning” one.
QuietRagingWaters 
So true, well written. I’m getting closer to real change, I see it happening next year February to March.
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I sometimes read your posts and think ‘maybe I’m exaggerating my husband’s behaviour as he’s not this bad’ but this post had made me think.
“The ones who choose booze over family” – we do have days out but usually (always) home in time for a pub visit.
“The ones who’d rather drink than engage in intrapersonal relationships” – this one is a kind of sometimes in my case, more of he tries to combine the two by asking if I want a drink too. Funny but the more he drinks the less I want to.
“The ones who make up excuses for their drinking and could stop tomorrow if they wanted to” – it’s my fault because I haven’t shown him enough affection over the years. He occasionally has a couple of days without a drink then states ‘told you I’m not an alcoholic’
So, yep, I believe he is an alcoholic.
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A freaking men. I’m sick of sitting by getting more and more miserable and alienated from friends and family because of my “functional alcoholic” husband. Sometimes I am sad but usually just incredibly mad. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’m the mean angry wife while in public he’s the happy go lucky quiet drunk.
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I feel exactly the same. I’m turning into a bitter old woman while he looks happier by the day. Seems so Twisted.
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Hi Wren,
Just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay. Living with an alcoholic can be so draining that Everything seems to take massive effort. I find myself isolating and just wanting to sleep more. I have been wallowing in my own self pity. Feeling stuck and a bit like a victim. Well let me tell you what helped me today!! It’s really snowy here so we are housebound. I stayed up in my room with a coffee and pulled out your book “The Alcoholic Husband Primer “ and read it front to back! I read it when I first got it last year and loved it but I loved it even more this time around! I felt empowered. I will not lay down and die. Alcoholism will not win.
You may think I’m crazy but I think you should pull that book out and read it again! Changed my thinking for today and I’m going to have a better day because of it. Thank you! Sending you love and strength from a sister in the trenches.
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Thank you DayDreamer!! I don’t know where I “went” in regards to posting here. It just happens, doesn’t it? The slow erosion of ourselves and, like you said, the self-imposed isolation. But I will read my own words again. As well as finish a post I started at the start of the new year. Thanks for checking on me!!
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