I mean, I did TERRIBLE!

It was embarrassing.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to leave.

I wanted to leave before I started crying.

There are moves in CrossFit that don’t come naturally to any body and they especially don’t come naturally to this over-40, out-of-shape, over-weight body.

And then you throw WEIGHT into the equation?!

Who (as is ME!) didn’t see this was a train wreck waiting to happen.

You may think I am being too hard on myself and you know what?

I am.

Not in the I-did-terrible part.

Oh, I did.

Believe me.

And the gym owners aren’t, shall we say, the greatest in making you feel any better about it.

They are not mean in any sense.

And I had already worked with them so it’s not as though I didn’t have an idea of who they are.

But they are young.

As in one is under 40.


So I don’t know that they totally appreciate the challenges for the “middle-aged” woman returning to the gym – a CrossFit gym at that – after ten+ years of a sedentary life.

They want to “push” me past my limits and I get that. I get that is what you sign up for when you sign up for CrossFit. I get that is what we all need to do if we want to succeed at anything but…

The teacher or coach who knows exactly when and where and how hard to push really possesses a special gift, doesn’t she?

So they might not be that great as coaching outside their comfort box but lucky for me, I got great friends!

I managed to not only finish the workout (if you want to call it that) but to get myself out the door without bursting into tears.  I called my friend.

(Then I bursted into tears.)

And she said, among other amazing things,

“You will have work-outs like this.  But you know what, you’re there.  You’re pushing yourself.  You could be home on the couch but you’re not…”

I signed up for CrossFit to push myself past my “comfort zones.”

Funny when we talk about going outside our “comfort zones” we forget that it’s going to be…


Go figure!

Being married to an alcoholic will shackle you to a “comfort” zone that is anything but comfortable and yet it’s familiar.  It’s habitual.  The yelling, the verbal abuse, the emotional absence, the daily disappointment, longing and pain become your new normal.  I signed up for CrossFit because I wanted to break out of that “comfort” zone. I signed up for CrossFit because I no longer wanted to accept that discomfort in my life as “comfort.”

I signed up for CrossFit to change me.

Internally as much as eternally.

I just need to remember that.

When I suck…

And I’m last…

And I’m dying of embarrassment inside.