Think of me tomorrow morning when I am tackling my first CrossFit class.

I am nervous but not so much about going but about not going.

Of course I will go tomorrow but what if I don’t continue?

What if I quit?

I can’t, I just can’t.

I can barely stand what my life has spiraled down into.

I can barely stand who I have become at the hands of someone else’s drinking.

I don’t know where this will take me.

I don’t know what I expect it to do.

Work miracles?

Perhaps.

But I know this:

When you are married to an alcoholic, there comes a point where you have GOT TO start getting out of the way.

It’s like you’re at the bottom of a mountain and a great boulder is thundering toward you.

At first it’s so far off.

And not even moving that fast.

But with each passing year, it gets faster and faster, moving closer and closer until the Earth is shaking beneath your feet and a great thundering roar fills the air.

I fear if I don’t do something this year…

I won’t do anything ever.

 

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