The depth…
The magnitude…
The pervasiveness…
Of our anger.
Our resentment.
Our pain.
Do they have any idea the rage within us.
For their drinking.
Their behavior.
For all they have destroyed.
All we have lost…
At the hand of their drinking.
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No, they don’t. Not a clue. Hence my husband is mystified at my attitude and behaviour this year.
It’s unfair. It’s unjust. But it’s also incredibly sad.
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Honestly I think they do know and they are too sick to focus on caring…when they do see it, the reality of what they are doing they would rather drink and forget and not care. Most blame it on the disease of alcoholism but I am not so sure if it is partly also a choice. If we compare it to depression – we can see how our own depression can affect our kids, our spouses, our lives…but if we get treatment and face it head on we can overcome it. Some of life can be blamed on disease or “not knowing” and other parts are truly an inner choice to find the strength to fight what is ailing you. They cannot or will not and they do know, they just want to numb themselves to say they don’t have to deal with it or feel their own shame. Sadly I believe that.
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I agree with you up to a point Strengthwithin. But as it progresses a form of dementia sets in. I try to separate cause and effect. Cause is the alcoholism that they do know about but won’t seek help or fight themselves. The effect is the long term damage that is no longer in their control. When says something for the umpteenth time within 30 mins he isn’t doing it to wind me up, he’s really no idea it’s already been said. A combo of the fog and alcohol dementia. I hate it.
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