There is no such thing as a “regular” argument or disagreement in the alcoholic household.
Two of my children got into tonight.
Like siblings do.
It probably would have been ok but then my husband came upstairs as I was trying to sort the kids out.
“Don’t even come in here,” I told him.
But he did and it all went to hell in a handbasket as they say.
Next thing you know, he’s screaming about “fucking this” and “fucking that” and of course I am fucking crazy.
If you had told me on my wedding day, this was to be my life.
I would have called you a liar.
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I have been in your shoes…my a. is much like yours…”high functioning” which is actually a funny word – on the outside others have no idea. He propels himself still into the working world every week, cooks dinner for us and then continues his “nightly numbing” I call it. He doesn’t have a whole lot left to give me or our kids. His routines sustain him…until they will not and his body breaks down. I don’t want to be there to support him when that happens. This is why I will continue to push myself to go to counseling…because my home has been sickened by my h. disease, I have been hurt and when your h. says “F __k you” to your young, 16 yr old dtr….it breaks your heart…even if that was 4 yrs ago, I still remember those ugly moments, they don’t go away.
We have to get sane and not let the disease get us sicker too.
Hang in there. Address what is going on in the best way you can. If your children are young, find a way to protect them…I know it is hard, do your best.
Take Care.
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that comment, if your children are young… mine are 20 and 22 and what I meant was, I wish I could have protected my children’s spirits more but living with a. affected all of us…it just does. I tried, we all do but in the end it rubs off on everyone. All we can do as mothers is love them and do our best. I know I can’t go back in time but I wonder how things might have been different if I left him and took my children when they were young 11 and 13… would my children have been better off? Something to seriously consider because there is a cost to living with an a. on both you and your children.
Sending support, empathy, and empowerment to you. Hugs. I so get your blog writings…Thank you for sharing your story.
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strengthwithin – I would be interested to know how your children are now. (i.e. “turned out”). I have a 16 and 7yo and that’s something I think about all the time….the damage that he may be doing to them. I talk to both of them constantly about taking negative/bad things in life and turning it into “good” or positive for them. I just pray that helps.
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