I suppose it’s hard to say what exactly is THE saddest thing about being married to an alcoholic but what your home – I mean your physical space – does to you would be a worthy contender.
I walk in my house and I am instantly someone different.
And not in a good way.
Isn’t your home suppose to be your safe place?
Your haven?
Your salvation, sanctuary, retreat from the world?
The place you most want, need to return to when the world has had its way with you.
Or just a bad day “at the office.”
But my home assaults me.
I walk in and I feel the pressure, the resentment, the anger as my every part of my being registers what is going on.
Dishes left everywhere.
Food wrappers left on the counter.
Half eaten food on a plate in the sink.
My husband drinking…
I could have – probably was – just been smiling and happy and laughing with friends or even a complete stranger but the minute I walk into my house…
It’s as if I am a shape shifter and Resentment is my new shape.
QuietRagingWaters 
I can totally relate. It’s as if you lived in my house. The resentment is something I really am trying to work on – not doing very well at it though. 😉 I realize that the person I married is no longer my team mate, supporter , helper it biggest fan. Alcoholism took that away. But my resentment is still there.
I’ve worked hard over the years not to compare my life with others. I know that comparison is the thief of joy. Not good for us. But yesterday I had a dose of reality when I went for a walk with my friend. We stopped at her house and she was showing me her yard. Her EX husband (not a drinker) stopped by her house and had mowed her lawn , trimmed all the hedges and weeds and planted grass. He’s still involved with the kids and helps her and them often. It really
struck me as crazy. My friend’s EX does more for her in a day than my husband has done in years.
I couldn’t help but be resentful. Not sure how to
move away from that resentment. I’m not going to change him. I have to change the way I think.
Thanks for writing- your posts make me feel like I’m not alone. (And not crazy) ha!
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You’re not alone. Nor crazy.
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