• About
  • My Books

QuietRagingWaters

~ Life With An Alcoholic Husband

QuietRagingWaters

Monthly Archives: September 2016

Is Brad Pitt An Alcoholic?

27 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

alcoholic, alcoholic husband, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, divorce

In case you have been living under a rock, travelling to the planet Zortex or just all around completely disconnected from the world at large – Angelina Jolie abruptly – and from all accounts without any warning to her husband – filed for divorce.

In other words, Brad Pitt – that hunky hunk of man, that movie star mogul, that dreamy dream boat – was dumped.

The world is abuzz (word has it even on Zortex) with “what went wrong?” Because after all, two people that are insanely beautiful, with unimaginable wealth and world-wide status couldn’t possibly have any of the mundane, pedistrian marital problems us mere mortals (and Zortexeans too perhaps) have.  Right?  I mean he’s so cute and so famous and he loves children and he says deep, meaningful artistic things about his marriage and his wife and life.  HOW could they possibly be divorcing?  HOW could she have possibly DUMPED him?

Well one theory in the running is that he is an alcoholic.

I certainly have no way of knowing if Brad Pitt is an alcoholic but I find what information there is circulating about the separation interesting:

A. Angie (yeah, she and I are on a first name/nick name basis) is reportedly to have filed for the “health” of her family and to “protect” them.

B.  It seems universally accepted that there was some “final” incident or episode that caused Angie to “suddenly” file for divorce.

C. From all reports, it seems Brad Pitt “never” saw it coming.

D.  And finally, Angie is rumored to be blocking all calls and texts from Brad.

Again, I have absolutely no idea if Brad Pitt is an alcoholic but it’s interesting that the circumstances surrounding the separation are pretty much exactly what leaving an alcoholic husband would look like.

It seems “all of a sudden” when in fact any woman married to an alcoholic deals with the situation for many, many years before finally leaving.

It is most likely how the marriage is affecting her children that will be the catalyst for a woman finally leaving her alcoholic husband.

It will seem “all of a sudden” to the alcoholic because after all, he has been on the outside of his drinking and accompanying behavior all those years.

And finally, it is hard, hard, hard emotionally for most women to leave their alcoholic husbands.  Often there is still love there, along with profound grief and saddness.  Women most often leave their alcoholic husbands out of need not desire and so blocking contact from the alcoholic is necessary not because the wife is a cold, heartless bitch but because she knows that her emotions are too fragile, too vulnerable to allow contact with him.

Again, I have no idea if Brad Pitt is an alcoholic but if he is, I dare say this is exactly what leaving him would look like.

 

 

Good Morning To You Too

24 Saturday Sep 2016

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

This morning I was in the back yard working in my garden.  I’m not a great gardner – that is to say I can’t walk through my garden and name all the flowers, plants and shrubs there – but I have managed to take our once rather shabby back yard and turn it into a reasonably pleasant garden.  I have lots of cone flowers, daiseys and flowers with that sort of “wild flower” look.  Suffice to say I stopped – long ago – hoping, wanting, waiting for and/or expecting any sort of recognition or appreciation from my husband.  Just once, I used to think to myself, I wish he would say “wow, this looks great…”

This morning while I was in my happy place, he happened to walk out.  That alone is an anonomly because rarely does my husband come search me out for anything but he did today.  As he walked past the corner of the house where a “herd” of yellow jackets have decided to burrow into the brick, he swats at the insects, saying, “fucking bees.”

“What’s wrong?”  I asked, a question far deeper than it seemed.

“I”m just sick of these fucking bees.  I hate the fuckers.”

Well let’s start with the obvious.  Why the “fucking” bees are still there.  Because my husband tried one way of erradicating them but when that didn’t work, he tried…

Yeah, he never got back to trying anything else.  So there is the obvious issue of the “bees” still being there because he hasn’t followed up with the issue.  But even more, worse, sadder than that is I realized there are probably lots (LOTS!) of households where a husband’s Saturday morning greeting to his wife does not include the adjective/noun/verb “fuck” in any manner what so ever!

Nope.

Nadda.

Nothing.

None.

Not even a teeny bit.

I know.

Sounds strange but I hear it is indeed quite TRUE!

These are the things that erode you when you are married to an alcoholic.

That you become “used” to.

Expect you don’t.

Because who could?

What you do is you become “used” to your reaction to them.

You become less aware of how your body, mind and spirit recoil.

A little bit numb to the jolt to your soul.

You stopped really noticing the sting.

How this sort of language and “innocuous” interaction permeates your entire life and being and existence.

Except not completely.

You’re never totally numb.  Unaware.  Indifferent.

Every once in awhile you feel it…

And it’s hard to wrap your head around how truly destructive it is.

Can You Die From Nothing

15 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

My alcoholic marriage is a strange one it seems.

When it comes to alcoholic marriages that is.

No midnight calls to fetch him from jail.

No drunken proclimations of love in the front yard with the neighbors eyeing him from behind closed curtains.

No screams of disgust for the “horrible” wife I am either.

No court dates, DUI’s, judgements looming or judges threatening.

No callling in sick for him.

Or covering bad checks for him.

No worries about where he is at night.

Or with whom.

No demands for sex.

But then neither is there…

Any communication.

Connection.

Warmth.

Trust.

Love?

I’m just living here with nothing.

And I think it’s killing me.

 

The Saddest Thing

10 Saturday Sep 2016

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

I suppose it’s hard to say what exactly is THE saddest thing about being married to an alcoholic but what your home – I mean your physical space – does to you would be a worthy contender.

I walk in my house and I am instantly someone different.

And not in a good way.

Isn’t your home suppose to be your safe place?

Your haven?

Your salvation, sanctuary, retreat from the world?

The place you most want, need to return to when the world has had its way with you.

Or just a bad day “at the office.”

But my home assaults me.

I walk in and I feel the pressure, the resentment, the anger as my every part of my being registers what is going on.

Dishes left everywhere.

Food wrappers left on the counter.

Half eaten food on a plate in the sink.

My husband drinking…

I could have – probably was – just been smiling and happy and laughing with friends or even a complete stranger but the minute I walk into my house…

It’s as if I am a shape shifter and Resentment is my new shape.

Who? (Would I Be)

01 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by quietragingwaters in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alcoholic father, alcoholic husband, alcoholic marriage, living with alcoholic, married to alcoholic, wife of alcoholic

I don’t like me.

No, I really don’t.

I don’t like who I have become, how my life is going or the way I am living this life.

I don’t like me as a mother, as a pet owner, as a woman, as a liver-of-life.

I have no energy, no passion, no enthusiasm for this limit-one-ticket-per-customer ride around the sun.

And probably what I don’t like most of all about me is that I don’t like me.

Is it my alcoholic husband’s fault?  The fault of living in an alcoholic marriage?

Well, frankly yes.

Yes, who I have become is a direct result of living with an alcoholic for nearly 20 years.

There is the saying, “hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to suffer.”

Well, living with a compulsive drinker IS someone drinking poison but you suffer.

Who would I be if I were in a relationship where we grew together, challenged one another, supported our dreams – both individual and joint dreams?

It’s not nothing this burden we bear of living with an alcoholic.

You can’t “ignore” it.

You can’t live around it.

You can’t just go about your life as if you were in a healthy, normal, supportive marriage.

And yet…

Of course the only one who can take responsibility for my life, for all I don’t like about my life and myself is me.

I was reading the book “Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod.  He was hit by a drunk driver when he was in his early twenties.  DIED AT THE SCENE.  Resuscitated (obviously) and had months and months of physical therapy.

Was it the driver’s fault?

Of course it was!

But who’s responsibility was it to recover?

Who had to endure and struggle and fight to get his life back?

Obviously he himself.

I know who I feel I have become is a result of this marriage.

But I also know if I want to become anyone different, if I want my life to be anything different, I am the only one who can make that happen.

 

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • May 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • January 2018
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016

Categories

  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy