Of course there are many (many, MANY) problems with the alcoholic marriage and the longer the alcoholic drinks, the less these problems are about drinking.
I mean of course at the core, the problems are about the drinking. Everything – good, bad, ugly and indifferent – in the alcoholic marriage is about the drinking. The drinking is the rotten foundation of your house crumbling beneath you. But if you have a house with a bad foundation, eventually there are things that need to be fixed that while the initial problem was created by the rotten foundation, it is now it’s own issue. Separate and apart from the foundation.
Recently I was at a fundraiser at one of my children’s schools (why a private school needs a “fund raiser,” I am still trying to figure out) and the woman who conceived of the idea, organized it and essentially ran the whole thing was doing the requisite thank yous, including, of course. her husband. She spoke of how supportive and encourgaing he was and this thought (feeling) popped into my head though it’s probably not what you would think.
No, the feeling wasn’t about how my husband would never be supportive or encouraging about my endeavors. The feeling (thought) was that I would not be able to stand up in front of a room full of strangers and be that relaxed and that ‘myself’ with my husband in the room watching.
Yep, that’s what came to me!
I could do it without my husband in the room.
I could speak to a room full of strangers no problem but I couldn’t speak to a room full of strangers with my husband present.
I would feel too exposed, too vulnerable, to bare in front of him.
And so you see, even if my husband quit drinking tomorrow…
Even if he got a big bucket of cement and patched up that foundation…
There would still be so much more that needed repair.