My husband is “different” than a lot of alcoholics – from my unscientific survey anyway.
He doesn’t demand sex.
He doesn’t act like we are a happily married couple.
He doesn’t stay out at bars all day and/or night.
He doesn’t cheat on me, spend the mortgage money, ask me to call in sick to work for him or do any of the things the “typical” alcoholic does.
He just goes to work…
(Or maybe not on some night)
And then wakes up and does it all again in the morning.
He is emotionally GONE from the marriage, from me, from the kids.
Probably truth be told, from himself as well.
Anywhere from every three to four to even six or eight weeks, his mood cycles around and he yells and screams and curses (maybe more frequent if I dare “confront” him on anything or attempt marital communication with him)and withdraws even further.
Until he’s back but by back I mean just not sulking about.
He’s never really emotionally Back.
For the women married to alcoholics who are raging and drinking and demanding sex, falling down drunk every night, spending the grocery money on booze, etc., etc., etc. my life can almost seemed “charmed.”
In the alcoholic world anyway.
But don’t underestimate the effect the lack of emotional, physical and mental intimacy in a marriage can have on a partner.
Sometimes I forget there are men who kiss their wives good bye in the morning, hello in the evening and even just because they WANT TO!
I forget that there are men who like to do things for their wives just because it makes them happy.
I forget there are men who DON’T do things because it makes their wives happy.
I forget all this and more on a conscious, daily level but I have not forgotten on the deeper level.
I am mad.
I am resentful.
And it all is residing (festering) within me.
Daily I endure this quiet rage…
That no one else hears.